Poison Oak Misery...Again

poison_oak

I crashed through the brush, realizing I'd picked a bad route, but too committed to turn around. "At least it's not poison oak," I said.

"Actually, it is," observed Lisa, who was wisely not following me.

Then I lost my footing and fell into a sort of gully, grabbing onto the branches to help myself get back up. Branches of poison oak, to be precise.

"Well, at least  there are no leaves," I said, as I clawed my way through and was clawed in return.

Well, let it hereby be known that whether or not it's in leafy bloom, poison oak is toxic. The allergen it produces is called urushiol, and it is present on all parts of the plant. One online source claims that only a billionth of a gram is needed to cause a rash, and it remains  potent even on dead plants for up to five years.

Also, be forewarned: sensitivity to this chemical can develop at any time; I was completely immune for years...and quite cocky about it.  I've had enough of it since to humble me, but all it takes is an instant of stupidity, and here I am, five days since exposure, in the midst of poison oak misery.

I'll spare you the ugly descriptions of the aftermath. Suffice it to say that my arms, legs, and various other portions of my anatomy are now covered with the rash....and the itchiness is an utter torment. Scratching, of course, only makes it worse, but what doesn't help at all is a husband saying, "Just don't scratch it." It is very hard not to scratch. Almost impossible.

In addition to scratching, I've been experimenting with various ointments and sprays. My sweet hiking companion Lisa brought me a clear spray called DermPax that she swears by. It provided some initial relief but seems to have lost its efficacy. An anti-itch ointment with a small percentage of hydrocortisone calms it down slightly for a minute or two. A hot shower feels good but only while it's happening, and how long can you stand there?

Years ago my old friend Tony Ochoa, who grew up here, suggested mugwort--or as he called it, istafiate--a silvery-green herb said to be a natural remedy for poison oak and often growing near it. (It is also, according to legend, conducive to prophetic dreams, which certainly sounds intriguing.) This, however, would have required me to overcome both skepticism and lethargy, return to the area where the poison oak grows, and be able to recognize the mugwort. I have relied instead on whatever quick fixes I have at hand.

I've experienced worse. My last serious encounter with poison oak prior to this one resulted in such horrible inflammation that I went to the doctor for a steroid shot. I don't even know how much it helped, if at all; the rash still ran its own slow course, and to this day I have a deep divot-like dimple in my upper butt cheek from that injection. (Too much information?) Oddly enough, what I am finding most effective now is the refreshing sting of rubbing alcohol sprayed onto the rash, which I suppose also helps prevent secondary infection. That, and time, will have to suffice.

Last night, unable to sleep, I found this poison oak website that offers answers to frequently asked questions,  not without a sense of humor, and then concludes with the following etiquette:

Because Poison Oak is one of the worst afflictions mankind must suffer, there must be rules of etiquette for dealing with it.

IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD POISON OAK: You may not joke about it. You cannot say, "Don't you know what it looks like?" You may not offer your advice on how to treat it. You must show nothing but sympathy, and if it is feigned it must seem genuine. Absolutely no smirking! You are not allowed to intimate that the person who has Poison Oak deserved it, or is afflicted due to incompetence on their part.

IF YOU ARE IMMUNE: All the above rules apply to you. You may never boast of your immunity, and especially never touch poison oak to demonstrate your immunity. I heard of a man who ate a poison oak leaf to show off. This is a justifiable motive for homicide. If you cannot follow the above guidelines, please kill yourself now.

IF YOU HAVE HAD POISON OAK: You must show sympathy, and tell anecdotes about how bad you had it. You may joke and laugh, as long as you make it known that you feel very deep sorrow at the affliction. Feel free to imply that all immune people should be exterminated off the face of the earth.

___________

Sound extreme?  When you are in the throes of poison oak agony as I am now, all of it rings true...from self-pity to anger...and these understanding words are comfort to the afflicted. Keep the link; maybe someday you'll need it. Hopefully not.

Anyway, I'll suffer and look ugly for a while, but this too shall pass. And maybe I will never be so stupid again.

But you know what? It's the remnant of a wonderful outdoor adventure.  And as long I'm still enthusiastic and able-bodied enough to be stomping around in the backcountry, all is not lost.